


I fall in love too easily (I fall in love too fast)

by jaredpadacock



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Abuse, Age Difference, Dark!Jensen, Drug Use, Dubious Consent, Homophobia, M/M, Manipulation, Past Rape/Non-con, Underage - Freeform, toxic realtionships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-15 17:20:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9247775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaredpadacock/pseuds/jaredpadacock
Summary: It's 1963. The Beatles were making it big in the US and the King ruled the stage. But there was only one singer that owned Jared's heart, Jensen Ackles. Jared is truly in love with the man on the screen and the perfect fantasy Jared made in his head. When meeting Jensen at a show and soon goes on the road with him, Jared’s fantasies crack when he realizes Jensen is nothing like what he thought. Instead of the perfect dreamboat he sees on TV, Jensen is a deeply troubled man living in a secret dark entertainment business.(On Hiatus)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to goandgetthegun for inspiration and help  
> Please enjoy! This story is far from over. I have like 12k of this stuff so I might as well post it

Jared was thirteen when he first saw Jensen Ackles.

It was at a sleepover with his friends. They were all wrapped up in blankets, huddled around the black and white TV, watching the Ed Sullivan Show. Adrianne’s parents went to sleep long ago and they secretly stayed awake to watch TV. Adrianne and the other four girls were insistent on watching this variety show. Acts and musicians played and sang but it wasn't till near the end of the program when Jared realized what they were waiting for.

And oh- It was well worth the wait.

“There! There he is! Ohhh isn't he just handsome!”

“Shhh! Shut Up so I can hear him sing!”

 Jared’s mouth went dry as the most beautiful thing he's ever seen strolled onto stage with his guitar. His hair was slicked back, he had on such a nice pressed suit and black shiny shoes. Jared didn't understand the heat brewing between his legs. But the way the man touched the microphone so gently, how he looked at the camera like he was making love to his audience. Jared was entranced. What came out of those big lips made Jared squirm in his seat and tingles flooded his small body.

That's the night Jared fell in love with Jensen Ackles.

 

_____

Infatuation spread quickly. Like wildfire, like a damn disease. Some times it felt like that. A burning hurt feeling that felt so good. Started in his toes, made his knees wobbly, sat hot in his belly, made his chest swell and heart pound with need. Need thirteen year old Jared didn't understand.

It wasn't until he saw Jensen Ackles that night when he realized he was different. When the first time Jared woke up in a hot sweat and his boy dick red and swollen between his legs, it wasn't about a girl in his class,it wasn't about his pretty teacher, it was about Jensen Ackles.

It was a simple dream. Jared was in the front row, Jensen was singing, singing to him and just him in a giant crowd. Staring at him with soft dreamy eyes. He was swaying his hips that somehow made his heart stutter and belly burn hot like his mother's iron.

Jared would watch Jensen sing on TV with his parents, cross-legged right in front of the screen. His eyes big like dinner plates as he watches the man play his guitar and sing sweet words. It always ended when Jared has to excuse himself to his bedroom for a quick jerk.

The kid got his hands on anything with his name and face on it. Posters, records, articles and magazines. His parents thought of it as cute, as having his first idol. But it was far more than that. Jared’s mom would never understand his love for the singer.

He got his first record player for Christmas, just so he could listen to Jensen's amazing voice any time. It was three months later in the dark of night when he would turn it on low and touch himself to Jensen's voice. There was one song in particular. Jensen sung low and gravelly, singing about love and about a pretty girl. Jared would  dream about Jensen Ackles singing in his ear, calling him ‘baby’ and that the song was about him. Just for him. Only him.  He’d splatter his belly white before the three minute song was over.

By the time Jared was fifteen, Jared's walls were covered in Jensen's amazing smile. He owned every record, every album and cherished the magazines with articles about him. The little interviews, little details about his personal life, what amazing girl influenced him to write music. Jared would pretend it was himself.

Jensen Ackles was the most beautiful being on earth.

_____

“You HAVE to come, Jared! I got these tickets from Charlie but she's grounded for seeing Tommy. And he's in town! We can take a bus together”

It was easy for Adrianne. She was sixteen and brave and didn't have strict parents like he had. Mom and Dad would never let Jared go to a show at night! His curfew was eight o’clock and Jared was a good boy. Loved his mama and said grace at every meal. He didn't sneak out like Adrianne does.

They stare at each other, Adrianne waiting for a yes and Jared scrunching up his nose in thought. There was no way he could miss out on this. Meeting the love of his life in person! Having him sing to him! He would hate himself forever if he didn't go. It would be worth the month of grounding he would get. It would be worth a million groundings.

Anything for Jensen Ackles.

_____

Jared grunts when he falls to the ground from his bedroom window. He had a small backpack with him. He wanted Jensen to sign his favorite album and trembles at the thought. Watching those big hands sign his favorite album. Jensen would probably smile so sweet at him and sweep him off his feet. Maybe he would ask him to stay, play him a brand new song and stare longingly at each other all night. And like Cinderella, he would be home by midnight. It was the perfect fantasy, the perfect bedtime story.

He fusses with his hair and walks down the block to meet his friend. He was sure to wear his best clothes; his blue sweater shirt he got for his birthday,buttoned up to his thin neck and black dress pants he wore for church. Jared spent countless time on his hair. Brushed it out long, flipped it up behind his ears. He knew it looked like a girl’s haircut but Jensen Ackles liked pretty girls so it was okay. Maybe Jensen would like him too.

Adrianne was waiting at the end of the block with a few of her friends. Her blonde hair in ringlet curls, A bright scandalous red on her lips that he knows her mom wouldn't buy for her. She looked really nice. The older girl waves and Jared rushes to her. They hug and she ruffles up his hair like a little brother. If Jared's was normal, this would make him turn pink and flustered. But he's not normal, far from it.

“Hey!” He squeaks and flattens his hair.

“Who are you trying to look good for?”

His name pops into his mind but Jared doesn't dare say it.

“Nobody. Myself.” The girls laugh but Jared is glad they leave him alone. Nobody knew Jared liked boys, none the less Jensen himself. And Jared was fine keeping the secret. Deep down protected with bright pink hearts and Jensen's name in curly q font.

_____

Jared was shaking in his scuffed oxfords.

Jensen Ackles was in the same building as him. Somewhere behind stage, he was probably smoothing his hair back, playing a few chords on his guitar and feeling excited about his show. Probably has his own cute rituals. Jared can only imagine.

They managed to squeeze to second row on the left. It wasn't the front middle row of his dreams, but Jared hoped he could see his freckles. To be honest, he was just ecstatic to be here. The crowd was mostly girls which didn't surprise him. Maybe some tag along fathers and boyfriends. They had to wait through two singers Jared's never heard of, but when familiar chords played and the love of his life comes out, Jared can't breathe. He's suffocating and drowning on air. He wanted to scream, to cheer with the rest but he couldn't find his voice. All he could do was stare.

Jensen waved at the crowd with that million dollar smile, tentatively  touched the microphone and began singing his rock n roll words. Jared knew the song by heart. Every beat, every twang of his guitar. He's taller in person, Jared thinks. His eyes are greener than on TV. He's beautiful. Jared's so in love it hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts.  But it's so good. He's wearing his clean cut suit, the shiny Chelsea boots. Jensen sings to him, doesn't miss a line, just like on TV. He's absolutely perfect.

When Jensen gets to Jared's favorite song simply titled 'Baby’, he nearly loses it. It's the highschool romance love song he touches himself to sleep with, the one be mouths silently when scribbling Jensen's name over and over in his English notebook. Sometimes he'd even write 'Jared Ackles’. It's heaven wrapped up in a simple beat and warm scandalous words that go straight to his dick.

People say Elvis was the king, but Jensen was his God.

The show was over way too fast. Jared wanted more but he sadly had a feeling that he could never have enough of Jensen. Never ever. Jensen did a polite bow, thanked the audience for a great time and slipped behind the velvety curtains. Jared’s eyes were still staring at the stage where he gracefully stood, was still seeing stars behind his eyelids.

The crowd began filing out but Jared took off in the opposite direction of the crowd. He was getting his album signed, no matter what.

“Jared!”

“I gotta get my record signed!” Jared called back through the noise of the crowd. He squeezes through people, bumping shoulders and making his way through pill box hats and colorful gingham dresses. Adrianne called after him again, but soon gave up and let him go before following after her friends.

He brought his record for him to sign and Jared was at least going to try. He most likely will end up being lead out of the building, but this was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Trotting down the small hallway, his heart beating in his ears. Long scrawny legs seem to carry him on their own accord. Jared was going to do this before his nerves caught up with him. He saw the back of Jensen, slim and tall, moving away from him. This was it. Jared held his breath.

“Hey! U-um”

Time seemed to slow as Jensen and two big men standing next to him turn around. It's something out of Mama’s girly movies. Jensen’s looking right at him, only him. Their eyes just meet seamlessly and Jensen's stay there for what seems like days. Jared can't do anything but stand there like an awkward doe. Hunter and prey. This was his last chance to turn around and run.

_Please God. Please let him like me._

Jensen looks perplexed at the boy. He looks behind him like Jared appeared suddenly out of thin air. Then looked back to Jared's face. Those green eyes linger and all at once, Jared feels very, very small. His two bodyguards go to usher him away but with a raise of his hand, Jensen calls them off. Jensen was used to pushy fans. Mother's with their daughters more than ready to sign them over to him. Small kids that didn't have an ounce of respect. But maybe, he could spare a little bit of time to this thunderstruck boy. “You enjoyed the show?”

Jared nods his head dumbly, then rushes to get his backpack. Jared retrieves the record and thrusts it so awkwardly at the man, he wants to run and hide. No time for that. Buck up and get it done. Jensen quirks his brow and smirked just like in his posters and Jared breaks. He's sure Jensen can hear the embarrassing snap.

As Jensen takes the pen and record, Jared's mouth is overflowing like a forgotten sink. He can't stop it, doesn't want to. Jared is ready to propose to the guy.

“Thanks for signing this. I-it means a lot a lot to me. You're my favorite. I mean, my favorite singer and-”

Jensen finished signing the album moments ago but he was just watching the boy fluster and stutter around his words. The kid was wobbly kneed, playing with the hem of his shirt. Jared didn't know he was blushing, but Jensen sure did. He could spot that a mile away. His mind wanders to a dark place as the boy rambles.

“Baby is my favorite” Jared says and finally is able to stop his mouth.

The man’s eyes widened back to reality. Jensen's heard it before. From girls with batting eyelashes, from his manager as he counts bills, but never from this, what? Blushing Fourteen year old boy?  “Oh yeah?” Jensen hums coyly and tilts his head to the side. His expression changes but Jared can't read it. Something curious, something surprised. Jared only nod quickly again, his chin beating his chest. He lost count on how many freckles Jensen had. Jensen makes this interested sound and nods once, handing the album back to the boy. “I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for coming.” He's nothing but prim and proper, the perfect gentleman. What he says next isn’t so innocent. “You up for another show? I'm here for a few days. I'll let you in”

Jared's eyes light up like fourth of July fireworks.

“Yeah!” He squeaks out, his voice cracking like the teenage boy he was and Jensen smiles warmly. It reminds Jared of that one poster he has by his bed. Even has the same eye crinkles.

When Jared walks away, staring at his new most valuable possession, he turns it over to the setlist. Without warning, his heart burns and sings like a church choir when he sees two small hearts by track number four - Baby


	2. Chapter Two

Jared heaves himself into his bedroom window and falls to his bed, album in hand. He carefully strokes over the decorated cover, over Jensen’s name and flips it over. He stares at the two silver hearts by his favorite track. 

What did it mean? Did Jensen always do that? He feels silly for being hung up over it. It just felt special. He felt special. It wasn't his perfect fantasy but it was pretty great. He didn't realize till after the fact that telling Jensen ‘Baby’ was his favorite might be weird.

Jared felt like the only boy in the world that liked other boys. The show was filled with girls, not boys. It's girls that are screaming his name and wanting to kiss him. Then there was weirdo Jared. The realization hurts a little. Jensen probably thought he was weird. Still, those two hearts lifted his spirits. Jared forces a smile and leans up to kiss the album.

Nobody has to know. He's happy loving Jensen in silence.

_____

 

Jensen sings the same songs, acts exactly the same but it's still a good show. He was able to watch him closer. The singer licks his lips a lot and they were such a pretty pink. He grins wider when girls cheer his name. His fingers are expert at playing, It was entrancing.  When the show is over, it's Jensen that finds him. Well, one of his bodyguards. But same thing right?

Jared follows the man backstage and to a small room. This was amazing, now this was special. This was turning out to be more of a fantasy. Taken backstage, talking to Jensen one on one. He felt special walking past all the girls that were hoping for just a glimpse of Jensen Ackles.

The body guard opens the door and ushers him inside. Jensen's sitting on a small couch, one foot up on the coffee table. His tie was loosened, a few stray hairs were stuck to his forehead. Jensen looks like something out of a wet dream. Jared’s wet dreams.

He looks up when he arrives and he smiles brightly. Jared wants to cover his face and hide. Like looking at the cornea burning sun. He could barely handle it. Jensen is just glad his help brought in the right kid.  “Hey. Come in. Glad you could make it” Jensen says politely. But he eyes the big man behind Jared rudely. Taking the hint, the bodyguard rolls his eyes, leaves and shuts the door behind him. Jared can't help but jump at the shutting door. His stomach was in knots and he has the stark realization that he's alone with Jensen Ackles. The room felt extra small now. He was alone with  _ Jensen Ackles. _

Jared stands there like a lost puppy and Jensen thinks it's cute. The kid looking at him like he's this amazing thing. Jensen likes it too much. He watches as the boy messes with the hem of his shirt, squirming in his shoes.

“C'mon, sit.” He says and reaches into his pocket. Jared peeks around. There's the couch Jensen is sitting on and a chair across the room. Did he mean?

“T-there?” Jared has to ask. There was no way Jensen Ackles asked him to sit next to him. To his amazement, the singer pats the seat next to him. He's acting so casual, like Jared was his old friend.

Jared walks on coltish legs. Oh, Adrianne was going to be so jealous.

Jensen pulls out a cigarette pack and pulls one out with his teeth. Jared never pictured him smoking. But he looks nice doing it.  _ Very nice. _

“ Want one?” Jensen asks with the cig balancing on his bottom lip.

Jared shakes his head.

Jensen snorts a little. “Better than I. Addiction is a beast.”

Jared laughs like he understands. The singer lights it up with a matchbook. Jared is watching the whole time and licks his lips subconsciously. Being this close to Jensen was unbelievable. He smelt like nice Cologne, his hands looked so big. There was a silver ring on his ring finger. Maybe there's a matching one on a girls hand somewhere. Jared tries not to think about it.

There's silence. Just Jensen looking over the boy, Jared taking equal looks. Jared is so small and scrawny sitting there next to him. Has his ankles crossed oh so politely, those still soft baby hands fumbling in his lap.

“How long have you’ve been a fan?” Jensen asks and Jared complies surprisingly easy. “Since I was Thirteen”

Jensen looks incredulous. He taps his cigarette on the ashtray renting on the arm of the couch. Thirteen? How old is this kid? A part of Jensen doesn't want to know. A sick part of him wants to know. Has this little kid been listening to his subtle raunchy lyrics since then? Did he even understand them?

“How old are you then?”

Jared pauses, sucking his lip into his mouth as he thought up a lie. “Nineteen.” He says wearily, praying to Jesus that Jensen believes him. It's an incredulous lie. Jared didn't want to say his real age. He was fearful that Jensen wouldn't want to talk to him if he knew he was just a dumb fifteen year old.

Jensen laughs, throws his head back and laughs at him. Jared doesn't know if he wants to blush or cry.

“Boy, you are not nineteen.”

“Yeah I am!”

There's an interested gleam in Jensen's eye as he looks over the boy. Cracking puberty voice, long scrawny limbs, eyes too big for his skull. No. He wasn't nineteen years old. But Jensen let's it go.

“Alright. You got a name or are you going to lie about that too.”

Heat flushes Jared's cheeks. Like red roses, Jensen thinks. Bet his skin is soft like petals too. He could write songs about it.

Jared says his name and when Jensen repeats it, Jared's chest heaves heavily. _Jared. He said my name_.  He's never had his name said like that. Curious and breathy. Jared wants to hear it again but is way too shy to ask. He didn't want to be weird in front of Jensen Ackles. There was no way he was screwing this up.

“Alright, Jared. Why do you like Baby so much?”

Jared squirms in his seat and for the first time, he looks away. Too shy, too embarrassed and even sick guilt. He felt the need to lie again. The real reason was too dirty and wrong and weird.

“I-I dunno.” Jared begins. “The lyrics are… nice and uh.” The boy shrugs, staring at Jensen's lit cigarette tapping on the ashtray. The singer hums thoughtfully, seeing through Jared once more. Jensen was used to people telling him how amazing his work was. They would go on and on. Praise after praise. It got unmeaningful after a while although Jensen wanted to hear Jared's praise. It was something sick in him, playing up fantasies in his mind.

“And?” Jensen pressures and Jared kitten licks his lip.

“Your voice is nice. I-in that one.” Jared crosses his legs tightly and Jensen smiles. He finishes his cigarette and squashes it in the ashtray. When he leans back, his arm falls across the couch, over Jared. His fingers dangerously close to Jared's ear. Jared doesn't seem to notice.

“Well thank you.” Jensen says honestly, watching Jared itch his thigh. Jared manages to look up, right into those smoldering green eyes. Jensen was just as warm and friendly as Jared thought. Made him feel special and right at home. Like he could tell Jensen each one of his secrets.

They talk for what seems like hours. About music, about school. It seemed Jensen wanted to know all about him. The man twirls his fingers in Jared's long hair. It makes the kid flinch, pause his blabbering mouth. When Jensen doesn't pull away and only stares right back at Jared's eyes, he says nothing and continues on.

_ Don't make this weird, Jared. _

Jared is talking about the boring difference between his first album and second album when suddenly Jensen is too close. He doesn't stop until his lips brush against the corner of Jared's little pink mouth.

“So I think the...The lyrics in uh.” Jared stares wide eyed at the man, at those grass green hooded eyes, at those lips touching him. This had to be a dream. He was going to wake up. He never went to the show, he never-

Jensen cradles his face, pulls him closer, Jared moves like a broken ragdoll. They're kissing, actually kissing and Jared has no clue what to do. He's never kissed anyone. Not like this. He keeps his mouth slack, letting Jensen bite and suck at his lip. It feels good, just like how his voice sends trembles through his body. But this was harder and bigger tingles.

Jensen licks into his mouth and his tongue is too big, too hot in his mouth and Jared squeezes his eyes shut. His toes curl in his oxfords, his legs cross and tighten together. The singer goes for it, tongue fucking the boy messily and if Jared knew better, needily. It's wet so so  _ wet _ Jared couldn't handle it.

When he pulls away, Jared's panting hard through his nose, shallow chest heaving like he's been running a mile. His eyes open and he doesn't know where to look. At the floor, at those soft lips? Or maybe those eyes burning holes in the side of his face. His mind was racing. Why was Jensen kissing him? Why would he want to? Why was he kissing another  _ boy. _

Jensen watches Jared's changing expression. He was seeing if this was too much, waiting for the slap and cruel slurs. Big hazel eyes slowly meets Jensen and he can't help but hum, “You like that?”

Jared can only nod slowly, his open lips shiny and wet. Puzzlement and amazement in his wide eyes.

Jensen grins excitedly and leans in once more. Jared’s still not expecting the kiss. A little “mmph!” escapes him as their lips meet. Big hands on his face angles Jared's head to the left. The hands keep him there, trapped in his embrace. Jared was beginning to understand Jensen's lyrics a little bit more.

Jensen’s kissing him hard, teeth at his lips, tongue rubbing against his. Jared can't keep up but oh god, he's trying. Jensen doesn't seem to care. If anything, it turned him on more. First kiss of this boys life most likely. Suddenly, he wants to take away all of Jared's firsts.

Jared's shaky hands reach out, needing something to anchor himself to. He finds Jensen's bicep and is surprised at the muffled sound that comes from the man.

A sudden loud noise echos through the room. Jared flies three feet In the air and pushes away hard like his mom is banging on the door, ready to catch them. He can barely catch his breath. Worried eyes stare at the singer, waiting for direction.

“Mr. Ackles? We have to leave! Mr. Ackles!” The voice calls and Jared can nearly hear Jensen rolling his eyes.

“Tch. Give me five more minutes!” He calls back and reaches for Jared again,more than ready to continue sucking the life out of the kid. But when the doorknob rattles, Jared is surprised at Jensen's speed.

Jensen is up off the couch, adjusting his hair and his pants and he's halfway across the room when the door opens.

Jared flushes new blush when he looks down to his lap. Oh how he wished he had his bag to cover up his embarrassing erection.

But Jensen is so at ease, so seemingly comfortable and easy. Like he put on a mask. While Jared was on the couch sweating bullets and trying to act just as calm while ignoring the heat between his legs.

“I'm sorry, Mr. Ackles. But we really need to be leaving” the man looked just as nervous as Jared, and they didn't even share glances. They acted like the other didn't exist. That's how Jensen liked it. The less questionable glances, the better.

“ Yes, I’ll be ready in five minutes. Thank you.”

The door is shut and Jensen spins on his toes to Jared. He looked upset, frustrated. Jared watches as Jensen combs a hand through his sweaty hair. “Well.” He begins and Jared kicks his feet. “Come see me tomorrow.”

It's a demand Jared can't refuse.  
  
_____

It doesn't feel real until Jared's back in his bed. He's on his back counting the ceiling tiles. He got a pretty long lecture from his dad about sneaking out but he barely heard it. It didn't matter. Jared was still touching his lips, realizing that he kissed the love of his life. He kissed a boy. Not just any boy, he kissed  _ Jensen Ackles . _ Nothing in Jared's dreams prepared him for that. And he was still going to see him tomorrow night. No matter what his parents said.

Jared closes his eyes tight, reliving everything that happened that night. He doesn't want to forget, doesn't want to let those memories go. Jared replays this amazing night like a movie behind his eyelids. He felt light like cotton in a spring breeze.

That night, he didn't need Jensen's voice to jerk off too, he just imagined Jensen's lips against him, how he smelt and sounded. How he made him feel.

Jared was in love with him. So deeply madly in love.

 

_____

Jared understood that being like he was, was very wrong. Father Douglas preached it every Sunday. He's heard the rumors and whispers about the queer at school. Jared’s seen them mocked and ridiculed. That's why he keeps his love letters secret at school. Doesn't let the teacher see his notebooks. What would mama say? She could never know. Nobody.

But that next day at school was so hard for him. He wanted to tell Adrianne all about his escapade with Jensen. How the man held him and how nice he felt. Jared could write a four page essay on Jensen and get an A+ on it.

He couldn't. Jared could never tell. The last thing Jensen told him was 'don’t tell’. He was going to keep that secret. There was no way he could stop how Jensen made him feel. It was too big, too massive. It was hard to listen to the usual gossip and talk about musicians and Jensen at lunch. Always so eager to talk about Jensen anytime he could, Jared just stared at his boloney sandwich the whole time.

It was okay in a way. Jared could keep his secrets about his love. He was the one kissing Jensen last night, not the flustered girls.

He was the one sneaking out that night to see the singer again.  
  
_____

 

 


	3. Chapter Three

As soon as Jared hurried back to that small room behind the stage, Jensen was instantly on him. Jared could only hold on and comply. There's hands on his face, Jared is up to meet those lips on his tippy toes. It's just as good as the first. Wobbly knee, heart pounding sickness. Small hands shyly find Jensen’s shirt. He kneads like a little kitten until Jensen pulls away.

“Hey” Jensen whispers against his cheek and it sends butterflies swarming in his chest. He's so sweet, he's looking at him like in all of Jared's dreams. Soft and loving. Everything Jared wants.

“H-hi.” Jared can barely say back. There's cotton candy in his mouth

Somehow Jensen drags the boy to the couch, Jared is walking on air. Sits on a fluffy cloud next to Jensen. Jared can't stop smiling. Jensen kisses him sweet, kisses him like a lover. Jared flinches when his warm lips travel to his thin neck. The singer can see Jared swallow and kisses over his Adam’s apple.

“Been thinking about you.” Jensen admits softly while his hands slither down to Jared's small waist.

His heart stutters and beats harder. Jensen's only ever said that in his dreams. This was too good to be true. Jensen was smitten with him. They could stay like this forever. Just them forever. Kissing and being this close and-

“I'm leaving tomorrow.”

The sound of Jared's heart breaking is audible from Germany.  Even Jensen can hear it. He recoils into his shell, pulling away but Jensen follows. He doesn't let Jared get too far, pulling him closer as Jared turns his face away. For the first time, Jared doesn't want to look at Jensen. He truly was Cinderella. Except he didn't get the prince at the end. His magical moments end tonight.

“Hey.” Jensen calls out to him and loves the look on his face. This was too easy. This was a show and Jensen was playing his part perfectly. Too perfect.

Hazel eyes flash to him, but then look away quickly. Jensen only sees them for a second. But they're beautiful. So tragic and heartbroken. Jensen’s kissing his neck again, wet sloppy noises. He knows better than to mark the kid up. Don't Leave a trace, Jared was never here. There's a little whimper and Jensen tugs him closer. Jared was right against him. Got a good wiff of his expensive Cologne. He was already memorizing each kiss and every detail. Jensen was leaving and he’ll be dropped back to reality tomorrow at school. Like it never happened.

The kisses get more aggressive and Jensen tugs on Jared's hips even though there's nowhere for Jared to go. The hand moves down to Jared's thigh and he hikes it up, just enough to make Jared whine.

This was getting a little too much but Jared wasn't going to pull away. He's slumping down the couch now. He couldn't afford it. Wanted whatever Jensen would grace him with.

“Come with me.”

It's whispered against his neck, hot and full of need like they were teengers behind the bleachers at school. Jared stares at the far away wall, completely confused and bewildered.

“W-what?” Jared whimpers out. Jensen couldn't be serious could he? What was he was thinking? The man grins like a snake against his skin.

Jensen pulls Jared down by his hips, his small frame easily manipulated. Wasn't the only thing Jensen was manipulating. One leg is scrunched up between the couch and Jensen, the other one is around his waist and Jared can't stop staring at Jensen's groin. He's hovering over the boy, panting in his face. The crotch Jared's staring at starts to make heavenly rolls. Soft and little but Jared's body responds too quickly.

Jensen asks again. “Come with me.”

Thoughts about school and his parents and Friends were colliding with sick thoughts about Jensen. His smile, his voice, his mouth, whatever the hell he was doing with his hips. His dick was quickly picking and choosing for him.

“I-I I can't. You're… I.” Jared couldn't think straight, this wasn't fair.

Was Jared really ready to lose Jensen forever? They loved each other. Mom would never understand. Nobody would.

Jensen’s staring at him so hard, Jared can't look at him for more than two seconds. When Jensen's big hand disappears between Jared's thighs, the boy tosses his head back, pretty mouth wide open. Too much, too fast, too good, feels too good.

“Come. With. Me. Please.” Jensen nearly spits the words into Jared's open mouth. Jared's humping his hand like a dog, he’s whining and Jensen has him right where he wants him.

When Jared comes in Jensen's hand, Jared nearly screams his answer.

“Oh god! Yes, please Jensen. Yes!”

Jensen licks his hand clean with a conceited smile. Gotcha.  
  
_____

Jared wasn't expecting the long rule filled talk him and Jensen had.

“If anyone asks, you're my cousin or my assistant. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Don't talk about what we do. Nothing. Got it?”

“Try and say out of the limelight. Out of pictures”

Jared was very nervous about this. But he had Jensen and Jensen had him. It was like one of his dad's cousins. Got married young, ran away, family didn't approve and they were still together. They were just like that. It was going to be okay. Jensen was reminding him constantly.

Nobody would understand. And that's okay. What he and Jensen had was something special. Everytime he got nervous, Jensen would flash that smile and everything was okay.

He promised to take Jared home any time he wanted. That he could have anything he wanted. It was a dream for Jared. They were in love, Jared knew they were. Why else would Jensen be doing this?

Jensen on the other hand wasn't worried. This wasn't new. He'd have a few people tag along with him for a while. Sometimes for publicity, sometimes for his own enjoyment, sometimes to hide his sexuality. Because hey, if the press saw him with female groupies, he was obviously straight.

Jensen’s manager, Jim knew what was going on the second he saw Jared mindlessly following after Jensen. He knew what Jensen liked, knew he was queer. They've had long talks about it. As long as Jensen kept his nose clean, kept up that teen heart throb persona, and kept bringing in the money, he could deal with Jensen's little boys.

God knows how fucked Jensen's career would be if the press realized Jensen fucked men. Everything he worked for, everything he went through would be flushed down the toilet in a second. If the boy sated his desires, then so be it.

 

_____

They weren't far from Jared's small hometown. Maybe a town or two over. Jared was tagging along with Jensen everywhere. To rehearsals, to stages and theaters. It was amazing to see everything behind the scenes.

This theater was much larger than the one he and Jensen met in. The stage was bigger too. Jared wandered down the aisles, touching the velvety seats as he goes. His eyes were up on Jensen, watching him talk to Jim and strumming his guitar. Jensen talked about testing the sound and acoustics before the show. It sounded confusing, but he enjoyed watching Jensen. Jensen taps the microphone a few times, breathes into it and continues his talk with Jim. They were discussing times and shows. Jared could make out Alabama. He's never been there before. It sounded exciting. But when Jared tip toes to the stage, Jim eyes the boy and whispers, “Keep it clean. I don't wanna hear it."

Jensen rolls his eyes as Jim leaves.

Jared lifts himself on stage, sitting on its edge and kicking his legs in the air. Jensen joins him, guitar in hand. It makes Jared smile, leaning against him slightly.

“Pretty big theater. You ever get nervous?” Jared asks and Jensen shrugs as he looks into the empty seats. “I've been in bigger.”

He doesn't answer his question. The boy nods and looks at Jensen's hands lightly strumming. Jared could easily fall asleep like this. Against Jensen, listening to him gently playing. When he looks up to ask another question, Jensen catches his lips instead. Jared makes a little moan, trying not to smile too much. Oh, he's had plenty of kisses since he ran away with him, but each one was still mind numbing. He hoped he'll never get bored of his kisses.

Jensen pulls away first, leaving Jared blushing and fluttering his eyelids. Jensen makes a noise like he tasted something good and licks his own lip. “So good.” Jared chuckles a little and leans up for more. This was too good. Having Jensen like this. Nothing better.

Jensen groans into his mouth. He pulls away just enough to growl, “Need you.” It makes Jared's heart flutter. Needed him? Wanted him? Oh that makes his little heart soar. Jared needed him too.

Jared breaks the kiss, leaning his head away and Jensen's mouth follows. Jared asks a question before the singer could kiss him again. Jensen is bothered by it, wants to pull him close and kiss him more, but he humors the kid and listens.

“When did you start singing?”

Jensen looks confused at the question. He leans away fully, putting his arm back around the guitar. Two chords play before Jensen answers. “I was six when I first picked up a guitar. It was my dad's.”

Jared’s listening ever so closely. Even puts his chin in his hands. It makes Jensen snort and shake his head. _Adorable._

“Then when I was a little older, talent scouts found me. Some uh. School play thing. And that's that.”  

This is a lie and Jared eats it up like candy.

Jared grins and Jensen is surprised at his curiosity. Jared keeps talking and asking questions. He had so many but him and Jensen haven't had a lot of time to talk. Jensen was always starting kisses and leaving him so wrecked, he couldn't say anything but whine. That's really all they've been doing. Which was okay. Anything with Jensen was amazing. How could he complain?

“First song you ever wrote?”

Jensen furrows his brow in thought. He plays a few notes from one of his songs and Jared just stares. Stares like he's God himself, like he's the sun and the stars. Jensen had the best profile. Beautiful.

Norma Jeane had nothing on Jensen Ackles in beauty.

Jensen chuckles once when he realizes what his first song was about. “It was about my teacher. I was eleven. God, it was bad.”

They both laugh and Jensen bumps against the boy.

“Was your teacher a uh. Boy or girl?” Jared scratches and picks at his knee. Jensen quirks his eyebrow. “Depends on what version of the song.” he replies and looks back to his guitar.

Jared understands. He still couldn't get over that Jensen was like him. They were made for each other. They were smitten over each other and this was heaven.

 

_____

Jared stayed on the sidelines like Jensen wanted. Don't talk to anybody, don't make a scene and stay out of the way. It made Jared feel like a sweet cherished thing when In reality, Jensen just wanted him in the greenroom out of sight  so people wouldn't wonder why he was having a boy around. Jared watched perched on a chair while Jensen got ready. Women would come in, slapping him pre thought out clothes. They made his hair combed back and shiny with gel, powder his nose and gloss up his shoes. Jensen had smoked two cigarettes, half a cigar and two beers.

They weren't the pre rituals Jared pictured. In his mind he imagined Jensen debating on what suit to wear, combing his hair back himself. Reality was, was that Jensen was very grumpy. His kisses had too much teeth and he kept shoving the hairstylist away with mean looks.

Maybe he was having a bad day, Jared hopes.

“Alright, alright! Stop fucking touching me. Am I good enough?” Jensen snarls, venom in his voice. His hands push and shove at the women who end up sighing and giving up. Jared notices that Jensen doesn't look in the mirror often. Even to the point of avoiding it. Maybe because he knows he always looks good. It made sense.

When the singer turns around to Jared watching him, he puts on a grin and chuckles a little. “Women. Am I right?” Jared shrugs his shoulders, his hands neatly in his lap as the stylists leave. Once they were gone, Jensen strides over to Jared, tilts his chin up and kisses him deeply. “Mm. You're getting good at that.” Jensen whispers to his open mouth and Jared blushes in the praise. Jared used to count the kisses, but he quickly lost track.

There's a quick knock on the door and Jensen steps away.

“Five minutes, Ackles”

The singer nods his head and just as the door squeaks shut, he's kissing Jared's cheek. “Wait for me.” He cooes and Jared nods a little, completely dazed.


	4. Chapter Four

They really didn't talk much on the way  to the hotel. The show went well by Jensen's little words and Jim was happy with the turnout. Jared feels like a fly on the wall, listening to their conversations like he wasn't there. Jim hardly looked at him but that was okay. Jensen looked at him all the time and that's all he needed.

This hotel was very nice. Clean white sheets with pinstripe blankets, modern art on the walls, a huge color TV and a record player in the corner.

Jared dropped his bag to the floor by the bed before falling on top of it. A satisfied groan comes from him as he spreads his arms out like he was making snow angels. Jensen was already lighting up and pulled a beer from the little ice bucket on the table. He looks over the bottle and frowns “I asked for something harder. Jesus christ.” Jared looks up when he pops the cap off and drinks anyway. He downs half of it easily.

Damn, Jensen looked good doing anything.

Jensen taps his cigarette on the dresser without care and loosened his tie. He strips his suit jacket next, placing it on a chair.

“Good show?” Jared asks, still on the comfy bed.

Jensen watches him, taps more ash, drags from it and stamps it out. He leaves the half cigarette in the ashtray. Jared was too cute. So small on that big bed, his shirt lifted show off that soft tummy. He strolls over to the boy, beer In hand. “Mhm”

Jared goes to move off the bed but Jensen is suddenly there, cramming his space. His head falls back to the bed.

Green eyes just stare at him and again, Jared feels very small. Like a kitten or little flightless bird. Jensen is admiring the view. Their lips meet and the man groans into it loudly. It sends violent tremors through Jared's body. The bed creaks and dips with the weight of Jensen's knees. There's hands grabbing his waist, moving Jared wherever Jensen wanted him. Thin legs shyly close but Jensen spreads them gently like butterfly wings. Jared legs spread wide and Jensen fills them perfectly.

Another swig, then Jensen is putting the bottle on the floor carelessly. They kiss and Jared's drowning. He puts his shaky hands on Jensen's forearms.

Jensen’s cold hand slithers up his shirt and fingers go right to his nipples. The pinching makes Jared squeak like a mouse and Jensen laughs. “Why’d you do that?” Jared manages and hears a scoff. “Feels good don't it?” Jensen does it again and yes, it does feel good. Oh, he was going to have so much fun with the kid. Jared was too innocent. Jensen wanted to destroy him.

He moves to the boy’s neck and rocks against him. Nuzzling his neck, kissing him there and all Jared can hear is the squeak of the bed and Jensen's wet noises.

Jared stops whining when Jensen leans up, grabbing the bottle with him. He stands at the foot of the bed. Hazel eyes watch him closely and Jensen shines like a star under the attention. Loves it, wants to die in it almost. Their eyes meet as Jensen chugs the rest of the bottle down. Down to the floor it goes and his hands open his shirt. Jared’s mouth slacks open as he watches.  This is the first time he feels like he can openly gawk at a man's torso without being weird. Jensen wants that look on him all the damn time.

Jensen unbuttons his pants and slide them down his bowlegs. While Jared’s hands tighten in the blankets and he shyly looks away, hiding under his long bangs. It felt like instinct to look away, like he does in the locker rooms at school. His embarrassment was on his blushing cheeks. Jensen’s already half hard in his white briefs, the pink head of it poking out through the leg hole. He grabs at his cock through his underwear and gives it a hard tug. It's not enough and Jensen tugs them off too. They pool around his ankles as he strips his hardening cock.

“Look at me.”

It's a quiet demand but Jared listens. His eyes flash to the man, to his hand movements, to the hard cock in his hand.

Jared's chest heaves and he swallows the thickness in his throat. He seems to shrink under Jensen's gaze.

That's his.. he's touching… _oh God_

Jensen unashamedly jerks his swollen cock in front of the boy, his other hand on his balls squeezing. He squeezes at the tip, twists his wrist back down, then back up in one fluid motion. Jared hears a gut flipping moan that makes his thighs tremble.

It was mesmerizing to watch but so embarrassing. How Jensen flicked his wrist, how wet and shiny the tip was. There was a thick vein on the side and his balls hung heavy. It made Jared bite his lip and his own cock strain against his pants. He can't seem to pull his eyes away.

“Take your clothes off. Lemme see you.”

Jared shudders and finally hides his face under his bangs. He doesn't move right away, he plays with the hem of his shirt instead. Jensen moves and Jared obeys. Everything comes off but his underwear. He can feel green eyes on him the entire time and can see the man move his hand faster.

“Almost there,sweetheart. Don't be shy.” Jensen groans needily. Precome slides over his hand as he repeats himself. “Don't be shy.”

Arousal spread hot through his veins, burning him inside out.

Jared takes a deep breath and looks back up, his thumbs hooked under his briefs. He didn't want to disappoint him. But this was embarrassing. There was something in the way Jensen looks, how his voice sounded. Calling him _sweetheart_ just like in his songs. Jensen is staring at him with expectant eyes. Getting the courage, he pulls them down and kicks them to the floor in one hurried motion. He doesn't make eye contact with Jensen. He can't, he feels on fire and he's afraid he'll actually catch fire if he looks at him too long.

For a while, Jensen is just fucking his hand and watching the boy with dark eyes. Jared’s rising chest, those perky pink nipples, his bony ribcage and _fuck_ his face. Needy and confused, like Jared had no control over his body, like he didn't know he could be this turned on.

Jensen leans over, putting a hand on Jared's boney knee. He forces those spindly legs apart and grins widely at what he sees. Jared was big for his age, had a little bit of pubes growing. So soft, untouched, hard and curling on his belly. When he looks up to Jared, he realizes that he's covering his eyes with a hand.

It's cute In a way but God, he wants to see those big hazel eyes. Wanted him looking at him, gawking at him. Jensen moves Jared's hand away and kisses him.  Jared is nothing but whines and whimpers.

“Copy me”

Jared knows what he wants and complies. He looks to Jensen for some kind of security and he gets an encouraging expression from Jensen. So,he snakes his hand down. Jensen knows he hits gold when the boy under him shakes and cries out.

Jensen leans up just enough to watch him stroke his cock and damn. It's been a while. This was way better than secret rushed handjobs In bathrooms where Jensen had to pay the guy to keep quiet.

They touch themselves together. Jensen can't stop staring at boy cock and Jared was just trying to breathe.

Jared knows he's going to blow. Blow quick and hard and embarrassing. Jared done this many times but this was something so new. Instead of his voice to jerk off too, Jensen was here in front of him, staring bullets into him with such needy eyes. His back arches, their eyes meet. Jensen’s hand flies over his cock, hot and needy. Jared’s not sure how Jensen knows, but he does.

The man reaches to the nightstand, pulls out a few tissues from a tissue box and roughly grabs at Jared's cock. As soon as he touches him, Jared comes into the tissues. He tosses his head back, mouth flying open as he moans. Pleasure flooded through him to every inch of his body. Jensen is more than happy to milk him through it but he's half tempted to stuff his big cock into that open cherry pink mouth. _Later._

Jared's head is still tossed back when Jensen growls in his ear, “Touch me.” The words snap Jared out of his blissful haze and stares at the heavy bobbing cock between them. It looked intimidating. Too big and oozing clear liquid. Some of it was getting on his softening dick.

But Jared does like a good boy. He looks hesitant at first and Jensen gets off on it. Jensen waits with his breath caught in his throat. He wants to remember this moment forever, never forget the look of Jared's face. Baby boy’s first handjob.

Jensen shakes his dick in front of Jared, an invitation and the boy finally grabs his erection with two hands and pumps the best he can. He can feel each twitch and pulse from his member, the heat of it and how big it felt in his hands. It awkward, it's clumsy, it's too tight but God, Jensen gets off on it.

“E-ever touch a cock?”

Jared blushes and he doesn't know if it because no, he hadn't or if it was the filthy words. He shakes his head, hands getting slippery. Jensen groans. Of course he hadn't. He's just a baby. The wet _shuck shuck_ noise, Jared looking so concentrated and even on the verge of scared, it was heaven.

Jensen fucks his hands quickly and Jared flinches when he comes. Jensen nearly cuts a hole in his bottom lip as he jackhammers his hips so hard, Jared is bouncing on the bed like a ragdoll. The boy watches in awe as he hits his climax. He brings his hand over Jared's and squeezes tightly. Jensen makes a mess of the used tissue and tosses it to the bed before slapping Jared's hands away from his sensitive dick.

They're quiet. Just the sound of their heavy breathing. Jensen is admiring the view again. Jared’s staring up at him like he's in heaven, thanking him for this. Jensen is used to people staring at him, he hated it but this was perfection. He wanted only Jared's gaze on him. He kisses the boy's cheek and grabs the used tissue before leaving the bed.

Jared leans up, following him with his eyes and frowns when hears the toilet flush. _Don't make messes_.  Now he understood what the man meant. All of Jensen's shame was in that little tissue and down the toilet it goes, just like it never happened.

_____

“I'm not singing that shit! Look at this? Have you read this? I don't care who wrote it. I'm not… I'm thirty fucking years old.”

“You will, Jensen. It's not even that bad. It'll work and get you-”

Jared flinches as he hears a glass break against the wall. They have been at it for hours It seemed. From what Jared could hear from the other room, Jensen didn't want to sing this new song Jim had for him.Jensen wasn't happy. He couldn't even imagine that Jensen could be so mad and hot headed. It must be a really stupid song if Jensen didn't want to sing it.

Jared was sitting in a chair by the window, the shiny lights of New Orleans reflecting into the room. He was reading a magazine and trying to not eavesdrop on Jensen and Jim's conversation. It was hard not to.

“I'm sorry we can't write what you want to sing about but-”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” Jensen yells. Jared is sure everyone on this floor could hear. It was embarrassing.

There's silence, heavy boots on floor and the door to their room swings open. Jared flinches with his whole body and stares at the angry man. He was ready to see steam come out of his ears. The door slams shut. Jensen walks over to the bar, pours himself some alcohol and slurps it down messily. The paper in his hand was crumpled at he tosses it on the counter.

Jensen doesn't even look at Jared until he's three feet in front of him. He jumps himself as if not expecting Jared to be sitting there. After looking at Jared's expression, his own softens.

“ Oh baby, don't look at me like that.” Jensen pleads and pulls Jared's chin into a kiss. “That's nothin’. Don't even worry about it. Just stupid stuff.”

How could he argue with that face and those words? Jared nods slowly, choosing to believe him. Jensen’s never lied to him and they loved each other. It was just a misunderstanding, he was sure. Jensen kisses him again, deeper and licks against Jared's bottom lip when he's done. He grins and automatic warm feelings flood through Jared.

He pulls out a cigarette box from his back pocket and falls to the bed before lighting it.  
  
_____

 


	5. Chapter Five

_1950_

Jensen fiddled with his guitar that's nearly too big for his small still child body. It's brown and glossy and it his favorite thing in the whole wide world.

The light he's under is almost too bright. He squints his eyes and crinkles his freckled nose as he tries to make sense of the room.

The office is very spacious. There's a love seat on the side, tons of bookshelves, gold records hung on the walls. A dying plant in the corner. There were giant windows behind the desk but the curtains were drawn. All the light in the room was a lamp, the light he was perched under and the lit cigar between a grin.

“Jensen Ackles huh?”

“Yes sir.” Jensen replies back politely, nerves bubbling into his throat. This was it. This was his way to stardom. He ran away from home, practiced every night, lived on the street for this. He knew he was good. It's been said his entire Life.

The man chews on his cigar, pulls it out and puffs it in Jensen's direction. It makes the boy scrunch his nose and blow it away.

A deep chuckle. “My name's Lewis. You sing good yeah? Real good? “

Jensen grins confidently. “Yes sir” he repeats and Lewis chuckles big and deep in his throat. He wiggles a finger at Jensen and the boy steps to the desk.

Lewis waggles his finger again, and closer Jensen got.

“Cmere. Lemme get a good look at ya.”

Jensen stands at the side of the desk, not wanting to get any closer. Lewis grabs his collar and makes up the distance. Jensen takes it, only frowning a bit and stumbling. Lewis pulls away, looking over the boy. He was pretty alright. Big cock sucker lips, freckles everywhere, big green eyes and sun bleached hair.

“Show me what you can do.” Lewis leans back and folds his arms.

With a grin too big for his face, Jensen goes for it. He strums his guitar, sings some Sinatra song. He sings his little heart out and he's good. Oh-he’s good. Jensen can see dollar signs in Lewis's eyes. It only makes him sing louder. When Jensen finishes, he does a polite little bow. That's when a hand clasps hard on his neck. The boy stumbles and pushes against it. When he looks up, confused, he meets a nasty stare that makes him tremble. The hand massages his neck. Jensen’s skin crawls, makes goosebumps all over his skin. This wasn't right, what was he doing?

But the hand keeps pushing and pushing hard. It moves to his shoulder. Jensen snarls and fights it. Whatever Lewis wanted him to do, he wasn't getting it.

The sick voice said  “C’mon boy, you wanna be a star right? This is how it goes.”

Jensen can feel fear choking him and tears stinging his eyes.

“Be a good boy and let's see what else that pretty mouth can do…”

_____

Jared's favorite time with Jensen were the mornings. Mornings like this when he wakes up to big arms around him, warm comfy blankets and Jensen's beautiful face next to him. Jared lightly touches his stubbly jaw, focusing on each eyelash and each freckle. He gently dusts fallen hair in his eyes away before kissing his lips. Jensen was so cuddly in the morning. Even doing this made the arms tighten around him. It makes Jared giggle softly. This is what his dreams were. Quiet moments like this.

When Jensen blinks his eyes open, Jared is sure to quickly look away like he wasn't just staring at him creepily. But Jensen smiles. Oh he smiles and it's brighter than the morning sun coming through the curtains.

“Morning.” Jensen Gruffs out and wipes his eyes. His voice is sleep rough and Jared loves it.

“Good morning Jensen.”

It felt so amazing to say that each morning.

Morning kisses were the best as well. Slow and sleepy, so loving Jared just melts. Jensen cradles his face, peppers his blushing face in little kisses and runs his hand up his side.

They both get up half an hour later, Jensen slipping on yesterday's pants and calls on the bright red rotary phone for breakfast. He puts his hand over the receiver and turns to Jared who's still in bed,happily watching the curve of Jensen's back.  “Pancakes or eggs?”

“Pancakes!” Jared chirps and Jensen repeats it into the phone.

Room service comes quickly and they eat in bed together like a couple. Jensen talks about his daily plans, rants about crazy fans. About anything really. Jared listens intently through mouthfuls of sugary pancakes.

Jensen dresses while Jared is still sprawled naked in bed, sheets covering his waist and he simply watches Jensen get ready for the day. Jensen dressed way differently when he's not on stage. Even had his hair messy, didn't shave. Jared likes the look of the slim suit, but this turtleneck sweater and tweed jacket combo was very nice.

“You look like Steve McQueen.” Jared jests and Jensen pouts his lips.

“Shut up. I hate wearing that stuffy suit all damn time”

Jensen walks to the big bed and leans over. Jared happily leans up to meet his lips with a content sigh.

“See you soon. Be good.” Jensen hums and gives him one last kiss for good luck. Jared watches with half lidded eyes as Jensen leaves to go do business.

This was heaven.  
  
_____

They’re in Tennessee when Jared realizes Jensen has more than one voice.

There's the voice he talks with on stage, thanking the audience for coming. It's sweet, polite and gentleman-y. It's the voice Jared fell in love with.

Then there's his normal everyday voice. Making phonecalls, joking with him and Jim. It's humble and rough and down to earth.

There's the voice he uses when Jared's on his back and Jensen is talking dirty to him and touching him. Private and intimate Jared likes this the best.

Lastly there's the voice Jared hates the most. The angry aggressive one. Jensen growls and hisses at his manager for getting the wrong alcohol. Where he throws things and shouts at the stylists for touching him. Little strange things trigger him, Jared was learning each one.

But this voice? This voice was new.

Jensen came back to the hotel. His shirt is backwards, his hands shake horribly and as soon as he comes through the door, he takes a shower. Jared peeks through the covers to watch him pace the room like an anxious circus tiger, then Jensen ends up taking another shower after that. confused, Jared squints at the clock on the wall while the water runs. 4:33 am. Where has he been all this time? Jensen’s usually back by seven or eight.

Jensen crashes to the bed, butt naked, hair wet and suddenly tugs down the blankets over Jared. He shivers at the cold and grunts unhappily. “H-hey your hands are cold! What are you-”

“ God Jared. Just just you gotta c'mon.”

It's word garbage that Jared can barely understand.

His hands gropes under the blankets for Jared's dick and Jared squirms once he does. His legs defensively come up and close and he's a little happy once it stops. Something was very wrong. Soon, he's grabbing Jared's hand and leading it to his own dick.

“Jensen…” Jared warns but strokes his stiffening cock anyway. There was something off about him. He was obviously upset but Jensen was wearing this weird smile. For the first time, the smile didn't give butterflies, it made him nervous. Scared even. Jensen looked bad as he wiped across his nose and sniffed loudly.

Jared goes to move his hand away from his cock, but Jensen grips his hand bruise tight and makes the boy touch him. A nervous noise passes through Jared.

“Wanna fuck you. Cream that little ass. You gonna let me one day?”

His eyes widened at the filthy words. Fuck him? No, no not like this. This wasn't Jensen at all. He watches Jensen's tremors and he doesn't think it's because of the hands around his dick.

Jared’s half assed strokes makes Jensen happy at least and he fucks his hand the best he can. Uneven, bad thrusts even though he looked like he was trying his god damn best. Jared was scared. Kept his mouth shut and did what he wanted. He stares up into Jensen's eyes and all he saw was black pupils.

“Touch me, Baby. Just. Mnh-!”

Jared jerks his hand away fast as warm sticky ick covered his hand. He's never touched his spunk like this. And honestly it was kinda gross. There was always a hotel washcloth or tissue when they fooled around. Don't make messes.

After finishing, Jensen seemed to collapse on top of the boy and Jared had a hell of a time pushing him off. But he does with his long legs and a few grunts. Jensen’s unresponsive and he stares at his body for a few moments before getting up to go to the bathroom.

By the time Jared's hand is clean, Jensen is passed out face first in bed. The boy curls up far away from Jensen, his disgusting words filling his head. Jensen sleeps in the next morning and when he awakes, neither of them speak about it.

_____

 

 


	6. Chapter Six

Jared carefully sets his favorite record down on the record player. He puts the needle on, then balances a few quarters onto the needle.The records been played so many times that there was a good sized scratch on it. So each time it would get to the chorus, it would skip and turn into garbage. It was his dad's idea to balance a few coins on the needle so it would pass over the scratch better. It wasn't perfect, but it played better.

He grins a little as Jensen's rock n roll voice filled the hotel room. It's been ages since he played his album.  The one with two silver hearts on the back.

Jared goes to the orange curtains and opened them with enthusiasm, taking time to enjoy the scenery. Illinois. Jensen said he never played here before.

There was a pile of candy wrappers on the table from the night before, beer bottles and remnants of last night's dinner, steak and vegetables. Jared’s never eaten so well.

It's been three weeks and four days since Jared ran away with Jensen.

He watches the cars and people go on their daily lives below him. His mind wanders to his parents. Did they miss him? Did they call the police? Jared made it very clear in his note that he was safe. He frowns a little,homesickness spreading In his chest. He doesn't notice Jensen coming out of the bathroom wearing only slim black pants.

The man rolls his eyes and trembles at his own music. Like hearing his voice made him ill. He hates hearing his music. Music and lyrics he not so deep down, hated.

“Christ. Why the fuck are you listening to that?”

Jared spins around and frowns a little at his tone. Was is weird? Was it stupid? Guess it was. Feeling self conscious, Jared turns off the player with a defeated smile.  “Sorry. I just thought…”

Jensen snorts, approaching the boy. He knows he hurt his feelings, but is glad the player is off. He puts his arms around Jared, kissing his shoulder. He plays it off casually. Even says, “You got the real thing right here.”

Jared beams just a little and chuckles. He was right. He had Jensen and Jensen had him. When Jensen starts to actually sing where the record stopped, Jared flushes out in goosebumps. Okay, so this was better than the record.

Grabbing his hips, Jensen tugs Jared backwards to the bed. He sits down on it, guiding Jared between his legs. Like puzzle pieces, Jared snaps into place. The man is still singing to him, soft and sweet. When he tugs on Jared's hips again, the boy falls to his lap. Thin legs bracketing Jensen's hips, sitting right on his dick and this is Jensen's heaven. “My baby, oh my baby” Jensen sings against Jared's neck. Jared’s teeth bit at his own lower lip.

Jensen’s words garble together as they kiss. Jared’s hands cupping Jensen's stubbly jaw. He only shaved when he was on stage. Something about Jensen looking younger. But Jared loved the stubble. Soon, Jensen's not even singing anymore, just moaning into the boy’s mouth.

Things got so hot so fast with Jensen. Just a look, just a touch or kiss. It doesn't take long for Jensen's hips to start thrusting, bouncing Jared on his lap and Jared was grinding against his stomach. The boy moved so sweetly, so good, always got him rock hard.

In one swift motion, Jensen flips them so Jared's on his back. He doesn't even need to separate the kids legs anymore. They fall open like blooming roses. Automatic and oh so willing. One of Jensen's hands flies between his own legs, and other under Jared's sweater. “Hold your shirt up” he orders and Jared holds his shirt up with two hands, his knuckles under his chin.

Feverish kisses cover Jared's chest. His collarbone, his chest, around his nipples and even down to his belly. As Jensen comes up, he slides his tongue over a perky little nipple and sucks it into his mouth. He sucks hard and Jared mewls happily, threading a hand through Jensen's still damp hair. Jared watches as that talented tongue flicks over the bud, bites, then pulls away.

Jared can only moan,his toes curling in his socks and chest heaving. It didn't take much to get Jared going and Jensen abuses it.

He's mid moan when Jensen plucks his bottom lip between his fingers. He massages his thumb against the pink flesh and grins wickedly. Uh oh. Jared learned that look very quickly.

“You ever sucked cock?”

Jensen already knows the answer. But he wants to hear it from the boy. Jared stares, glances to Jensen's bulge in his pants, then back up to green eyes.

“No…?”

His answer makes Jensen groan deep in his throat. He gropes himself through his pants, just picturing that pretty mouth around his dick. Jared would probably choke on it, gag his little throat on it. Sound so pretty doing it.

“Y-you wanna try?”

Jared can hear the need and excitement in his voice. He tilts his head to the side, brushing his bangs out of his eyes before looking up into that sex driven expression, it had Jared shaking almost. Fro fear or excitement, he didn't know. He licks his lips before asking, “you mean… in my mouth?” Just the idea makes his head spin. Jensen wants to drown in Jared's innocence. It's too good. Jared was something out of Jensen's darkest fantasies.

Jensen nods his head. “It ain't hard. I promise it's just.”  he delicately touches Jared's mouth again as if he were touching flower petals. He wanted to be the first one to violate that mouth. It made his cock twitch just thinking about it.

Jared breathes in slow and deep, holds it then let's it out through his mouth. “Maybe- H-Hey!”

Jensen moves quick, Jared can barely keep up. Soon Jensen is straddling his chest, sitting right on it and Jared can barely breathe. The boy squirms under him, trying to adjust and he closes his eyes for a moment. Hands come up to Jensen's thighs and when he opens his eyes, there's a cock bobbing inches from his nose.

Jensen nearly dies at Jared's wide eyed expression. Cute. Adorable. Little and under his control. Jared couldn't say no to him. They both knew that. Jensen loved being in control.

Jensen strokes himself as Jared squirms. He couldn't even look at his cock, He felt trapped under Jensen's heavy weight.  Cheeks burned with embarrassment. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. The boy flinches when the wet cock head is slapped on his face. Jensen smears precome on his cheek as Jared automatically turns away, hazel eyes squeezing shut.

“Oh baby. Open your mouth. Wider. There you go. Tongue out just like that- Oh fuck”

Jared pants hard through his scrunched up nose as Jensen's cock slides heavy into his mouth. It's warm on his tongue, silky at the tip and rougher on the shaft. It's funny tasting like copper and simply too big.

Jensen could feel the boy's panting chest under him, his little heart just fluttering frantically. He gets off on it, gets off on Jared's cherry pie mouth stretched around him, how scared he looked. The epitome of blushing virgin.

Jensen shallowly fucks his mouth and groans loudly. He wants to toss his head back, but he couldn't take his eyes away from Jared's face. His bottom teeth were dragging on his skin, it was just enough pain to make everything better.

Putting his hand in Jared's puppy brown hair, he shoves his cock deeper in his mouth. Jared immediately chokes, sputters, face turning to the left for air. Oh no, Jensen keeps his dick in the boys mouth. Let's it balloon Jared's left cheek.

“Look at me.”

Jared doesn't want to. The grip on his hair tightens and finally, Jared does. He shudders at what he sees.

Jensen is staring at him, eyes glossy dark, lips parted sinfully and he looked like he was in love. It made everything a little bit better. This is what people do when they love each other. Anything for Jensen.

Jared stays quiet, letting Jensen use his mouth. The kid had no experience with this, just laying there like a doll and it only makes Jensen harder. His little fuck hole.

Jensen pulls out suddenly, leaving Jared coughing up spit that drools down his chin. Tear filled hazel eyes close as Jensen unashamedly rubs his dick all over Jared's face. Over his lips, his cheek, past the little moles and over his eyelashes. The man imagines this as some sort of sick marking, a claiming.

“Shit, Jared.”

Jared peeks an eye open and not a second later, his mouth is full again. “Mnnf-!”

Jared’s Baby whines nearly makes him come right there.  

Jensen fucks his mouth in earnest. Grabbing Jared's hair, then holding his jaw open when Jared turns his head away. The boy glances up when cock is back on his face. Jensen breathes heavy, moaning loudly and jerks his hand furiously. Jared prays Jensen reaches for a tissue. He doesn't and his seed paints his face in a matter of seconds.

Jared yanks his face away with a nasty look and wipes his sticky mouth. It's gross, but he doesn't say anything.

“Ah fuccckkk.” Jensen groans out and falls to the bed next to Jared. They lay side by side quietly. Jensen’s staring blankly at the ceiling and Jared is cleaning his face with his shirt collar. He doesn't even know what to say. His jaw ached and forced tears still stung his eyes.

With another groan, Jensen rolls on his side to Jared. Despite everything, Jared still gets butterflies as Jensen kisses his cheek.

“Did so good sweetheart. “

Something painful was settling in his stomach. Jared just stares at Jensen, pushing it away by seeing how happy he made the singer. It made up for everything.

As long as Jensen was happy, Jared was happy.


	7. Chapter Seven

Jared’s scribbling down in his notebook. Jensen bought it for him last time they went shopping. It was simple, black with lined paper on the inside. He had put his initials on the front inside cover along with the year. He would write down his thoughts, feelings, special moments. Jared couldn’t help but have a page full of Jensen’s name, just like his school notebooks.

It was a way to keep track of everything. Jared didn’t want to forget anything.

Skinny legs kick in the air as he writes. Smiles like a schoolkid when he signs his name at the most recent entry. Careful eyes reread it for spelling errors before delicately closing the book and slipping it into backpack.

Jensen wanted to get out of that stuffy hotel they’ve been holed up in for three days, so they were lounging around the theater Jensen was singing at tonight. Jared couldn’t complain. He’s been stuck in bed all those three days. It was nice to get fresh air, stretch his legs a little and get some new scenery. Jared wasn’t expecting Jensen to invite his friend and Jensen didn’t even bother introducing him to him. The boy sat quietly and out of the way like Jensen wanted and watched the men talk, jest and smoke.

He glances up from the small table when he hears Jensen moan. The singer his sitting on a sprawling couch, feet up on the coffee table as he smokes. His big burly friend sitting on the table’s edge. With his head tilted back, Jensen had a dopey smile on his face. The smell made Jared wrinkle his nose. 

  
“What’s that? Some kind of cigar?” He chirps, dipping his chin into his hands.

Jensen laughs at him, along with his friend and it causes Jared to frown, feeling awfully self conscious.  Jensen’s friend meets Jared’s eyes with a furrowed brow and a questionable look. There’s awful silence and Jared wants to leave the room, feeling stupid and young. He turns his head shyly away, tapping his pencil on the table and tries to disappear as much as he can.

“Ah, you scared him, Jeff. Be nice. He’s little.” Jensen sounds sweet but it still makes Jared’s cheek burn with embarrassment. They both chuckle and Jensen drags from his blunt. His heavy eyes don’t leave Jared’s small frame, watching him curl in on himself and cower.

“When’s your next show?” Jeff asks, his deep voice sandpaper rough. Jensen shrugs his reply, still eyes on the boy. “I dunno. Two hours maybe?” The singer honestly didn’t know and in this moment, he didn’t care. He was happy, dopey dumb happy and warm, sated. Jeffery always brought the goods when he visited and Jensen was always appreciative.  Jim would slap him with lectures, pay cuts and shit load of fuckery if he found any sort of drug on him. But Jensen always found it easy enough. They both knew that. It’s brushed under the carpet just like his sexuality, like he didn’t have young boys around to fuck.

Jeffery makes this ‘mhm’ noise in his throat and puffs out thick foggy smoke. “You gonna be good before then?” He asks, watching the singer melt into the couch in bliss. They eye each other, Jensen looks annoyed. “Does it matter?” 

Jeff can’t argue with that.

Jared dares to peek up to the men again and when he does, Jensen’s wiggling a finger at him. Those eyes dark and hooded and something else that makes his spine tingle. Like a well trained dog, Jared lifts off the chair and comes to Jensen. It makes Jeff snort. “Got him trained do you?’

Jensen rolls his eyes before muttering “Shut up.” But he grins slyly as Jared sits next to him. The boy waves smoke out of his face. It felt awkward to have someone in the room with him. Jared had a hard time meeting those deep eyes of Jeffery.  Jensen puts his arm around the boy, pulls him snug against his side and Jared squirms uncomfortably. Jeffery is staring at him and it was making him nervous somehow. The man looks like a bear. Stern eyes, big beard. But Jensen was here, kissing his forehead and puffing smoke in the air.

Jared watches as Jensen brings the rolled up drug and his eyes widened when it touches his lips. “Here. Suck.” Jensen says with a teeth rotting grin. Jared can’t believe he asks, that Jensen wants him too. The man loves those big doe eyes. He puts on equal big puppy eyes and Jared can’t refuse. Jared wasn’t little, wasn’t a baby. He could feel eyes on him, waiting and passing judgement. He could smoke with the men.

Jensen’s expression goes dark as he watches pink lips wrap around the blunt. 

  
“There you go, breathe in. Just like that.”  

Jared coughs hoarsely and pushes Jensen’s hand away hard. He’s choking, gagging, it’s disgusting and makes his head spin as chuckles and laughs fill the room. He hears a “he’s cute” From Jeffery. Jared barely has time to recover before the joint is pushed back to his lips. 

“One more, baby. C’mon. You can do it.”   
  
Jared complies even though his stomach aches from it. He tosses his head back to the couch, blinking in the dim room with parted lips. They sit there in silence and soon, time seems to slow like a broken clock face. His brow furrows in confusion as he stares at Jeff. The boy watches smokes spin through the air like ink in water. It’s mesmerizing.   
  
The third time Jensen forces it between his lips, Jared doesn’t complain. He can’t. Lungs breathed in, making his head spin. Licking his dry mouth and lips, he manages to look up to Jensen’s sleazy smile.

This wasn’t a cigar.

Jensen’s shoulders move in a chuckle, almost a girlish giggle at Jared’s expression. “Good?” He asks and Jared doesn’t know how to answer. Good? Bad? He felt light, faraway, not there. It wasn’t good. An involuntary disagreement noise comes from the boy and his head falls to Jensen’s shoulder.

Suddenly there’s hands on him, moving him wherever. He can only whine a “A-Ah.” Jared is so tiny compared to Jensen, the man easily manipulates his frame. Moving his hips closer, pulling on his leg and puts it around his waist. Jared moves like a broken doll and before he knows it, he’s straddling Jensen’s lap.

When he realizes where he was, Jared squirms and pushes away. He closes his eyes at the kisses on his cheek and when he’s opens them, he’s instantly looking at Jeffery. _Oh god._ This felt wrong and uncomfortable, they weren’t alone! Jensen always insists on not doing this stuff around people.

Jensen grabs with too tight hands, keeping him in place. “S’okay, Jared. He knows. It’s alright. Here. One more. Good job.”

Jared’s lungs burn and when he’s done, he drops his forehead to Jensen’s shoulder. There’s sucking on his ear, a hand going up his chest and a hand going down his back. Too many hands, too different. Jared looks behind him to see Jeff stroking his back, the joint between his pursed lips. 

“You fucked him yet?”   
  
Jensen shakes his head, twisting a nipple that makes Jared whine into his shirt. Jared wiggles on his lap, trying his best to lift his heavy head up. Felt too big, too heavy on his thin neck.   
  
Jared sucks in more poison, coughs it out and shivers at the effects.

Jeffery’s hand slides down the back of his pants but it doesn’t last long before Jensen’s slapping his hand away.

“Just watch, Jeff. Christ.”

And watch Jeff did. Leaned back on the table, dragging from his joint while he squeezes his dick through his pants.

Everything’s a blur after that. Jensen’s hand down his pants, teeth at his neck. There’s a burn in his stomach and chest that just won’t go away and Jensen was kissing him like he was trying to ease it away. It didn’t help. Jensen’s bouncing him in his lap, grinding against him. It feels like he’s on a boat somewhere far at sea, getting seasick. He can feel the thick outline of his cock against him and it made him flush head to toe. Jared didn’t dare look back to Jeff. Too embarrassed, too ashamed.

Numb hands try and push Jensen away after that, needing space and time to realize what was going on. Jensen kept hushing him, kept kissing him and keeping him still. “S’okay baby.” There was heavy pants behind him, wet noises on his ear. It was too disorienting, too confusing. 

“J-Jensen.”   
  
“Shh. S’okay. Lemme just-”

It wasn’t okay. This was too weird. Through the daze, he knew this was weird. Doing this kind of stuff was something they did when they were alone, it was love making. It was...not this. Jensen’s cold hand leaves Jared’s dick and Jared thought maybe, just maybe they were done. But he shudders as the hand dips into the back of his pants. Shudders even harder as fingers spread his ass. 

Jared twists and turns, shaky arms pushing himself off Jensen’s chest. Their eyes finally meet and Jensen was gone. Just two coal black eyes, a grin and “Baby shh.” Jensen could read Jared’s frantic expression. It made his cock throb harder. “Feels good, promise. Just one.”   
  
Just one? Jared doesn’t understand until a wet finger slide into his ass. The noise he makes causes Jensen and Jeff to grab at their cocks. It sounded hurt, like a wounded animal, it sounded like he was punched in the throat and it turned Jensen on like nothing else. With his finger inside of Jared, He had his eyes on Jeffery, watching him stroke that big dick of his. For a second, Jensen wonders what Jared’s baby mouth would look like around that monster.   
  
Jared couldn’t breathe. The burn was just as bad as the burn from the joint. Jared cries out into Jensen’s neck and only gets peppered kisses to his temple and a deep groan from Jeffery.   
  
Jensen knew the kid would be tight, even with the drugs making him lax, he was still fucking tight. Tighter than any pussy, he thinks to himself. It has him licking his lips, pressing deeper into the boy. Jared’s thighs shake horribly, his asshole fluttering around the intrusion. So soft, so silky, and hotter than his mouth.

Jared’s repeating Jensen’s name like a mantra, over and over, pleading with him. He didn’t know whether to ask to stop, or ask to keep going. Mixed feelings shook his body. Good, Bad, Pain, Pleasure. Too much, More more more. Jared couldn’t keep up. His hips move on their own, back and forth, his cock rubbing against Jensen’s cotton shirt.

“Shit.” Jeffrey groans from behind Jared and Jensen makes an agreed noise. Jensen keeps going, fingering the boy and whispering slurred praises to his ear. “Good baby, Doin’ good. Just another. C’mon.” Jensen could feel Jared clinging to him like a child and loved it. Jared’s own hand finds his cock and he strokes it quickly to distract from whatever Jensen was doing with his ass.

Jeff and Jensen mutter something that Jared can’t hear past his own breathing and whines. With his free hand, Jensen drags his pants and underwear down just enough for Jeff to see the swell of baby boy ass and his two thick fingers inside of him. It was a sight to see. Nothing like fingers up virgin ass. Jensen’s fingers keeps digging and thrusting, poking around aimlessly. He finds what he’s looking for when Jared’s body convulses against him.

“J-Jen!” 

It was too much. Electric shocks up his back, he was sweating like a whore in church. Felt like one too. Jared is glad with a few more strokes of his hand, he spills out on Jensen’s shirt. He’s crying, he’s almost fucking crying as he comes and Jensen wants to lick up his fallen tears. Jared sobs and moans, sucking on the fabric of Jensen’s sleeve. The singer loves how sensitive his boy his, can’t help but imagine a hot cock spreading him open.

The fingers don’t slip out right away, Jensen keeps fingering him until he himself is finished. The man creams his pants like he’s thirteen, purely getting off on Jared grinding against him and his sweet ass. He’s going to have to change his pants and underwear before the show but at this moment, he doesn’t fucking care. He’s got two fingers up Jared’s tiny ass and Jeffery snarling as he cups his tightening balls.

Jensen finally draws his hand away and Jared nearly slips off his lap in exhaustion. With wide shocked eyes, Jensen grabs him and settles him down on the couch gently.

Jared’s just staring in front of him unseeingly. Staring at a lamp somewhere behind Jeff’s blurry head. His ass ached, his dick was still twitching against his stomach. He didn’t dare make eye contact with either of them as a sick dread spread through him.

Jeffrey leans his hands behind him, leaning back as he watches the two in front of him. His spent cock curling against his thigh. Him and Jensen both chuckle before Jeffery is pulling a little bag of marijuana out of his pocket and asking “Want another one?”

Jared wasn’t going to mention this in his journal.

_____

_1951_

Tears stung Jensen’s green eyes. He wasn’t dealing with this anymore. He wasn’t going to lay down and take this abuse anymore. Lewis was a horrible manager and an even more horrible man.  Jensen’s not sure where this courage was coming from, but he wasn’t going to take it for granted. 

“I-I’m not working for you anymore! I can’t, Lewis. I can’t. I-”   
  
Lewis only laughs at him, mocks him for thinking he can be so bold. “You don’t understand anything, kid. I own you. You see? Remember that lil’ piece of paper you signed after you wiped your mouth clean? I own you.”   
  
Fear engulfed him. Couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even look at the man. Was he right? Was it true? Was that what that paper was? No wonder it sounded so confusing when he read it. Jensen didn’t understand it. He just wanted to be a singer. Have crowds cheer him and love him like ol’ Blue Eyes. That’s all he wanted. Everyone told him being a star was hard, but he wasn’t expecting it was filled with filth against his ears and mouths full of come.  

This past year was hell. Not only did he not sing that often in front of people, all he did was pleasure his manager. Used him like a old toy. And Jensen felt like a broken one now.

Lewis grabs at the shaking boy, grabs his chin and yanks him hard into understanding. “Everything you do. Every word you sing, every strum of that beaten guitar, every smile, everything inch of you. I own. You can’t do anything about, son. It’s law.”

Tears drip down freckled cheeks and Jensen pulls away, slapping the big hand away and taking trembling steps back. He swallows thickly. “No. No you don’t. Not anymore.” Jensen says as confidently as he could and backed away from the man. When Lewis stands up from his desk, Jensen suddenly makes a break for it.

He runs. 

He runs as fast as he can and he doesn’t stop. He flies out of the office, by people with papers and boxes, tripping over people and his own shoelaces. His feet carry him out of the stuffy office building, down the street, down the next street until Jensen can’t run anymore. Legs giving out, knees aching and lungs burning, he falls into an alley, slides down the grimy brick and cries into his knees. Thick wet tears staining his pants.

Eventually, he swallows hard and evaluates just what happened. What was he going to do now? He couldn’t go back. Never Ever. No way. Jensen rather die. Nervous big green eyes survey the dirty alley as he figures out what to do next.

No home. No food. No...Nothing. He had to start all over.

Fresh tears fill Jensen’s eyes as he realizes he was an idiot and forgot to grab his guitar. His _dad’s guitar._ He was never going to see it again.

“S-Stupid. So Stupid.” He slaps himself in the forehead before hiding his face in his hands.

 

_____

Tonight was their last night on the road. Tomorrow, they were traveling back to big grand Los Angeles where Jensen lived. Jared was very excited to see the big city, Hollywood, and where Jensen lived. He had explained his house the best he could and it sounded grand. With gilded doors and a pool in the backyard.

Tonight was going to be their night. They were going to pull up to the drive in, in Jensen’s fancy 1962 Cadillac Coupe De Ville, settle in with popcorn and drinks and yummy treats. It was something out of Jared’s sweetest dreams and frankly, he needed it. The past week had been hard with Jensen. He understood, Jensen was stressed. Maybe this will be a nice night. Jared prayed it would be. He only hoped that maybe Jensen would be happier at home.

The time came to go. 8 o’clock. Jared spent time on his hair and clothes. It reminded him of when he was getting ready to see Jensen for the first time. Even flipped his hair again. He wasn’t overly self confident, but he felt good tonight. Jensen had bought him his own chelsea boots and Jared was admiring them in the full length bathroom mirror.

When he comes out of the bathroom, smoothing down his jacket and white button up shirt, he sees Jensen sitting on the bed with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, beer dangling between his legs. He seemed so tired but as he looks to Jared, He smiles warmly. Jared’s heart flutters like it hasn’t in two weeks.

“You ready?” The man asks, stamping out his cigarette. Jared nods with a flustered grin as Jensen approaches him. He leans up on tip toes for a quick kiss.

“You look good.” Jensen compliments when he pulls away and fixes the buttons on Jared’s shirt.

“You look better.” It almost comes out robotically, so automatic that Jared couldn’t hold it back. Jensen Snorts and hums a sweet “Naw…”

The were sure to park in the back and out of the way. Jensen was complaining and worried about people seeing him and pestering him for pictures and autographs. But he hopes that in the dark of the night with tinted windows, he’d be hidden.

Jensen parks his car amongst the rest then anxiously looks around as Jared dives into his buttery popcorn.

They were seeing ‘The Haunting’ tonight and frankly, Jared was a little scared. He’d never admit it though. Jared wasn’t a little kid. At least he was going to try to not act like one.

Jared peered out of the windshield at all the other cars. Watched people get their popcorn and treats. He's never been to a drive in theater and it was pretty thrilling. The big hazy screen ahead of them was letting off a dull glow.

Once Jensen was sure that nobody was staring, he puts his arm around Jared’s slim shoulders, tugging him close. The boy scoots his butt across the seat and happily takes the invitation. Jensen has his cologne on and it makes his head spin with love.  He looks up to Jensen’s glowing face. He watches the light play on his features. He wants so desperately to lean up and kiss him, but he knew that was way too risky. There were people in their cars right next to him. Jensen was planning on going with the idea that it’s his son, not lover.

Nonetheless, Jared lets himself nuzzle against Jensen's side. He peeks up when the dull big screen ahead of them comes to life, playing commercials and advertisements.

 

Half way through the movie and halfway through Jared’s popcorn, the kid is hiding his face in Jensen’s sleeve. It makes Jensen chuckle at the boy. So cute. Jensen manages a hand through Jared’s soft hair, comforting him as a woman shrieks from the screen.

“You’re not scared are you?”

“Nope.” 

Jensen laughs harder at the lie. Eyes anxiously dart around before he’s leaning down, pecking the top of Jared’s head. “You’re cute.” He jests and his voice is like maple syrup, the good name brand stuff. It’s going to give Jared a toothache if he keeps complimenting him.

Jensen’s hand slinks lower around Jared’s waist and the boy grabs for it. He peeks out of his hiding spot to smooth his thumbs over Jensen’s big worn fingers, over the guitar born callouses. The ring he always wears. Jensen doesn’t seem to notice, watching the horror film with a relaxed look on his face. It’s been awhile since he’s seen Jensen so calm. Jared just stares, gawks, awes at the person next to him.

Something was bubbling up his throat. Started in his chest, made him feel light and airy but he was still choking on it. When Jared opens his mouth to comment on the movie, something else comes tumbling out.   
  
“I love you.”

It's quiet like a secret and a part of Jared hopes Jensen can't hear it over the movie. 

Time slowed and Jared couldn’t hear the movie anymore. It was just a white noise buzzing in his ears as he watches Jensen’s eyebrows raise, watches him turn his head. They watch each other and Jared’s little love sick heart flies out the fucking window when Jensen smiles at him. That sweet stage smile.

And Jared did. Good Lord, Jared loved Jensen. More than anything he’s ever had, he’s everything Jared could ever want. He’s been intoxicated with the man since day one.

The man leans down, nuzzles against Jared’s puppy bangs, kisses his forehead and repeats, “I love you.”


	8. Chapter Eight

Jensen’s home was much grander than Jared could ever dream. White painted brick, tall marble columns, large windows and a decorated fence around the property.

Jensen showed him the place. All the bedrooms and bathrooms, the living space and kitchen fit for the best gourmet cooks. Jared was wide eyed like a kitten the whole time, mouth parting in awe. “Make yourself at home’ He says with a relaxed expression and Jared can’t believe his ears. The boy couldn’t wait to jump into that pool in the backyard.

Pictures and posters of Jensen’s beautiful face hung on the walls in nearly every room. Album art, records behind glass. Jared loved it. Loved seeing Jensen with his hair gelled back, those pouty lips and the dreamy eyes at the camera. He’s learned that Jensen doesn’t always look like that, but he loved it when he did. Perfection. That was the man he fell in love with.

Jared thought Jensen would be happy to be home, but it didn’t seem like it. He was still perpetually annoyed, oh so very tired and withdrawn. As they walked to Jensen’s office, Jared was staring at the frown lines on his face. He wished he wasn’t so tired all the time. Maybe getting some rest in his own bed would do him good.

Jared beamed when Jensen opened the door to the spacious office. The man has shown him the entire house in a few days except for this room. It felt special. The room was so bright thanks to the large windows, there was a nice desk and a comfy looking couch on the side. Each one of Jensen’s records hung on the wall. Jared skips on air to them, hands fumbling as he read each one. ‘Memories’ ‘Be my girl’ ‘Baby’. They were all here in a shiny gold.

Jensen watched with dark eyes as Jared delicately touched them. It made him sick for some reason, watching the boy oo and aw over his so called work. But Jensen let him. He was just a kid after all.

“You really like them that much.” It didn’t sound like a question, just a dark fact. Jared could see Jensen standing behind him through the reflection of the glass on the records. A nervous chill ran up his spine but he turns anyway, meeting Jensen’s eyes.

Jensen just stares at him, mouth a taught line and Jared almost wants to say ‘no, they’re shit’ just to make him happy. Would it make him happy? Who knows.

Jared tries a smile, a little sweet one and nods gently.

“You must have worked so hard on them. Each and every one.” Jared compliments and glances back to the gold records. Sour vile settles in Jensen’s expression that Jared can almost taste it.

“They’re not that great. Jim made me put them up. Accomplishments, he said.”

Jared nods, agreeing with that. “They are! You should-” but he pauses as he watches Jensen glide across the room, pick up Jared’s favorite album of his off the wall and look at it. The man stares down into it, stares at his own tired reflection. Disgusting. That’s all he saw. Disgusting music, disgusting life, disgusting face.

Jared wants to reach out, stroke his arm or grab his hand or something, to comfort him. Jensen looked so upset. Why? He shouldn’t have a care in the world. He was rich and gorgeous, could have anyone or anything he wanted.

“This one your favorite, huh?” Jensen asks and Jared peeks up on his, reads the title and nods.

“Yeah! Baby is- h-Hey! What are you-?”

In an instance and to Jared’s horror, Jensen slams the record to the ground. The glass shatters across the floor, the frame breaks and if that wasn’t enough, Jensen stomps his foot on the record, easily snapping it into three uneven pieces.

Jared can’t believe it. He watches, mouth wide open and he just stares at the man. Jensen looks far away, eyes dark and hooded and not Jensen at all. When Jensen reaches for the next one, Jared’s arms sling out quickly, grabbing at Jensen’s sleeve to stop him.

Jared’s heart was in pieces like the record on the floor.

His hazel eyes get big as Jensen pushes, shoves at him so harshly, pointed elbow in his face, that the boy fell to the desk behind him. Papers and a book clatter to the floor, Jared pushes his bangs out of his face to see Jensen glaring at him. He suddenly look like a wolf. Narrow eyes, a crooked snarl. Nothing but disgust. It makes Jared’s knees tremble with fear. He feels small in all the wrong ways.

Jensen breaks the silence with a hand through his hair and a snort. Green eyes tear away and Jared feels like he can finally breathe again. He's never seen Jensen look so scary. Shook him to the bone.

Jensen wipes his nose on his sleeve, turns away and calls the maid. Jensen barks the name. In a few quiet moments, She brushes past them, sees the mess and doesn't look at either of them while she cleaned. Jared could see bruises on her arms and neck. He doesn't bring it up, doesn't want to know where they came from. But Jensen’s name rattles in his empty mind. It's hard not to as he watches the wolf pour himself some scotch from a cabinet. 


	9. Chapter Nine

There's a desk corner sized bruise on Jared’s back that formed in a few days. He doesn't notice it until he’s naked on Jensen’s king sized bed. Jensen thumbs over it, Jared winces at the slight pain and neither of them say anything.

His Hands fisted in the golden brown sheets, head on a pillow and three fingers up his ass. Jensen’s on his knees on the floor as he works. It feels embarrassing having Jensen's face this close to such an intimate area. The man was just staring at his stretched pink hole, watching his three fingers thrust into him. Jared finally closes his eyes and focuses on the pleasure. It did feel good. His dick hanging hard between his thighs. Untouched and red and aching for touch. Each time Jared’s hand slips down there, Jensen slaps his hand away. No touching. It felt like a game. A very unfair game.

His knees were starting to hurt in his submissive pose. Head down, ass up. Jared’s eyes flutter open when cold air touches his insides. He glances up over his shoulder to see Jensen moving. The man leans over him, gingerly kisses the side of Jared’s mouth that makes Jared’s toes curl. So sweet. But the wolfish grin was still there, making Jared feel like a little lamb.

“Baby, you know what I wanna do?”

Jared pauses, his mind rushing to one thought. But he plays coy, shrugs his shoulder and Jensen replies. “Really wanna fuck this tight hole.”

Something sick and scared twists in his stomach. Quickly, Jared flips over onto his back. Knees shut, hands shyly cupping his erection. By the time Jared squeaks out a scared “What?”, Jensen’s undoing his belt.

Their eyes meet. Jensen's eyes are so dilated and dark. He looked empty, shallow like a motel kiddy pool. Jensen repeats. “I'm gonna fuck you. You gonna let me, baby?”

Jensen's hand spreads Jared's knobby knees and pins one to the bed. The boy struggles against him, but soon stops, letting Jensen take and take. And Jensen does.

Knees hit the bed, making Jared shiver. Excitement? Fear? The boy couldn't tell. It sat low and heavy in his belly.

Jensen tugs Jared closer, settling his long legs over his waist and Jared can only whine. The man could see Jared’s fear on his face. It only made him harder. Blushing Kitten, Big virgin eyes staring up at him. Oh- This was too good. Everything Jensen could ever want wrapped up in messy bangs and knocking knees.

“You love me, right?” Jensen asks quietly. Like a secret, Iike a prayer. Jared's heart sinks and soars at the same time. That tingly love sick puppy love blooms in his chest. Jared eats it up with a silver spoon. Of course Jared loved him, they did love each other. This was fact.

“Of course.” Jared says sincerely and loves the smile he gets from Jensen.

“Say it.”

“....I love you.”

Jensen seems to purr and that sweet smile stays. Damn, he has this little boy wrapped around his finger. Jensen loved the control, the love, the power over him. Better than any cocain high. He could do anything with Jared. All because of one little word. His thoughts wander to that sinful dark place in his skull.

There was just something so addicting about Jared's innocence. Jensen was more than ready to destroy Jared in every way. Ruin him, taint him just like Jensen was himself.

Jared flinches when more cold lubricant touches his hole, grunts through gritted teeth when he's stuffed full of fingers again. Jared couldn't tell how many, but it burned. “Mmmnn-!”

The fingers leave, making Jared feel empty and cold. When they return, Jared's breath hiccups and catches in his throat. This was much bigger than any fingers. The ache was bigger. Hotter. Jared stared wide eyed at the man then twitching close once Jensen speaks.

“Shh. Shh. Baby. Take a deep breath. You got this.”

Jensen’s hand is right by Jared's head and he was shaking just as much as the boy below him. Jensen let out a low animal sound as his cock sunk into the tight heat of his ass. He had prepped him, but it wasn't enough. Jared's milky thighs shake horribly and he can't breathe. Too much too much. Jared wanted to cry at the overwhelming feeling inside of him.

“Jen- Jensen, I c-can't “

Jensen hushes him with a deep kiss. Teeth clanking, tongue down his throat. The boy can't kiss him back, Jensen doesn't care. Jared pulls away for much needed air and he just gasps like he's drowning. Jensen wishes he had a camera to remember this moment. Jared's first ass fuck.

Jensen doesn't stop until he's balls deep in the kid. Skin to skin, Jared absolutely shaking under him. It was too good. Wanted to just stay here forever wrapped in tight heat and baby tears.

Jared couldn't stop the whining, couldn't stop the little tears welling up in his eyes. Jensen’s cock felt way bigger than three fingers. It'll get better, he thinks. This is what Jensen wanted. This is what lovers do. And oh, Jared loved Jensen.

“God, baby that's it.” Jensen sings, rolling his head back, mouth open in another groan. Jared's legs close protectively, but Jensen opens them, forces them apart. Ripping butterfly wings apart for fun. “It'll help” he says, and the boy only nods. It's all he can do. He loves him. He loves him.

It burns as Jensen moves. In and out, like his fingers but not like his fingers. Short and brutal, Jared's seeing stars and exclamation points behind his eyelids. The man is praising him like he's kneeling at a cross. Reverent and passionate. The slow drag makes a fire in his belly, scorching him from head to toe and all he can muster up is “more please”

Jared opens his eyes to see Jensen staring at him like a wolf. He has to look away, looks to the mirror on the wall. He watches Jensen's hips move in the reflection, watches as his leg bends up to his chest. “Fuck, Jared.”

Jared holds onto the sheets as the bed rocks under them. The boy seems to recoil in a protective shell. Head down, bangs in his eyes, nuzzling against his own shoulder. It annoys Jensen and he grabs Jared's dimpled chin.

“Say it again.”

Jared squeaks like mouse in a trap.

“L-Love you, Jensen.”

Jensen’s eyes roll back in his skull at the words. He loved him. He loved him. It was the only thing that made sense and Jared was holding onto it desperately. The boy felt like he was on a ship sailing the seas. His stomach hurt, he rocked and pulled like waves. When Jensen's hand grabs at his cock, he crashes on land. “Jen, Jensen!”

Jensen gives a predatory smile, hungry lips and tongue across his fangs.

Jared fucks into the fist, rocking back and forth on Jensen's big dick. He gets more praise. “Pretty Jared, just like that” Jared can feel his orgasam chasing. He knows once he comes, the race is over and they can stop.

The thrusts get brutal and with a tight squeeze, Jared suddenly creams Jensen's hand unceremoniously. Quick and fast, his ass rim fluttering around Jensen's cock. Jared watches through slanted eyes as Jensen cleans Jared's stomach with a tissue. But he doesn't stop, oh no. The thrusts become erratic and crazy, then he's pulling out, cock in hand, tissue over his head. The man knew he wouldn’t last long, but it was okay. After this, Jensen could fuck the boy any time he wanted. There was no rush.

Jared watches Jensen arch his back and tilt his head back with such grace and beauty, Jared can only watch in awe. He was beautiful and he loved him. This is what lovers do. It was a Privilege. An honor.

Jensen crashes to the bed next to the boy. Arm covering his face. The lay there silently. Jared counts the ceiling tiles before daring to peek over at Jensen. He couldn't ignore the empty burn feeling in his ass. His hand slithers down, delicately touching his abused hole and shivers. He feels too empty, too big. Jared could barely understand that Jensen ackles cock was inside of him. It was all so quick and then it was over. Did this really happen? What was there to say? He almost wants to thank him. Thank him for loving him and choosing him.

Suddenly, Jensen was grabbing at him, cuddling him close and Jared let's out a happy sigh as he settles on Jensen's chest. “Love you.” He murmurs and from under Jensen's arm, he could see a happy smile.

Jared would kill to see Jensen smile like that all the time.


	10. Chapter Ten

“The fuck is that supposed to mean? Yeah yeah I'm sure. You know what? You can go fuck yourself. I'm done.”

Jensen slams the phone down on the receiver, then slides the whole phone off his desk and onto the ground with a crash. He slaps his desk chair, knocks paperweights off. When he turns, he sees his reflection in a mirror. Jensen can almost see his hair standing on end like a cat. A snarl, a sneer, he’s turning away from his reflection and grabs his whiskey. Doesn’t bother with a glass, just shoots it from the bottle and slams the half empty glass to his desk.

His hands are shaking. Twitching, jerking, his heart is racing. Can’t handle it, not any more. Good Lord, he was dying.

Take it take, take it. It’s right there. Just there, Right there.

Jensen was sure he was hearing that sick voice coming from his desk.

With a shaky sigh, Jensen opens up his desk drawer and stares at the little baggy neatly tucked behind a journal. He swears it’s staring up at him with sharp teeth. He lets out another sigh, shaky like he was running a mile but he was stuck still, just staring.

He grabs it, slaps it on his desk. The sound seems to echo in the room.

Just a little, just to take the edge off. That’s it. Then he’ll throw the fucking thing away.

Jensen takes hold of the bag again with trembling fingers. He opens it and the door to his office creaks wide open like flood gates.

“Jen! Look what’s playing at the theater.”

Jared comes into the room, dancing on daisies and with a too big newspaper in his hand. Jensen quickly bats the bag onto the floor to hide it but the white power falling all over his carpet. Jared’s still speaking, but the man doesn’t hear him. Jensen’s eyes are staring at the waste.

“What the fuck did I say about coming into my office unannounced?” Jensen’s almost yelling, Jared gets those big fucking doe eyes and the paper crinkles in his fists.

Jared full body flinches away as he watches Jensen hit the bottle of whiskey to the ground. It’s not enough to make it break, but the sound rattles into Jared’s bones.

“I’m sorry! I just thought we could-”

“You thought what? Look at what you fucking did. Ruining my carpets.”

Jared takes a step back to the door, but suddenly Jensen in his space, crowding him. Fear runs through him as the man towers over him. The newspaper limply falls to the floor. It make Jensen yell again.

Jared scoops to pick it up and when he comes back up, He meets Jensen’s fist square in the jaw.

“I didn’t do anything! You- Hhhn-!”

His hand flies up to his pounding face, the newspaper once again falling from his hand and Jared can only stare up at Jensen’s dark, terrifying face. Pain floods him. Sparkles and tears well in his eyes and he steps back again, away from Jensen.

Jensen’s shoulders are heaving, his eyes wide and crazy looking. It’s too late when he discovers what he did. “Oh baby, don’t look at me like that” He says, but Jared is already running out of the room, mopping up his bloody nose with his hand.

Jared stops running when he hits the kitchen. His hands are shaking, he’s dripping blood onto the tile and he can only hear Jensen’s cruel tone and words in his head. They were already yelling at him for making a mess.

He caught him off guard. He knew that. That’s all it was. Jensen didn’t like Jared in his office too much. Again, he knew that. Jared was breaking rules, of course Jensen was mad. That’s where Jensen worked. Wrote songs there, took calls.

With a loud sniff, he wipes his nose on his sleeve, frowns at the blood smear.

His fault, absolutely his fault.


End file.
